Life's a race, run like you mean it!

I have done nothing but read and sleep today, with a little graduation cake inbetween.I didn't even shower! and we all know how uncommon that is. You usually find me showering daily, maybe even two or three times, and getting barely any sleep. Today's so...bizarre..It even rained, thank the Lord. I haven't had much on my mind lately. I don't know if that's a good or a bad thing, but it's also very atypical.

So I was reading today, and something triggered the thought of youth group, again. I decided I need to quit avoiding this subject just because I'm scared. I need to start praying about it again. Last week, i realized how greatly the numbers have dropped in velocity, not only students, but leaders. We used to have to bring in more chairs..Now i think we've changed the seating arrangements just so it doesn't look as empty as it really is. But wasn't this what i wanted?...What I asked for?...A smaller youth group, like we had before? Sadly, it's getting that way, but not at all the way i intended. I've been thinking about why the leadership is disintegrating, and i come to no reason other than Wade..But would God allow an inequitable leader to take place as our pastor? I don't know what to think. Is this spiritual warfare, Satan trying to get me to leave the youth group/stay? or is it God telling me I need to get out of there, or stick with it like I vowed to in the first place? I hate struggling with this subject, because Satan knows my weaknesses, and he knows i'm extremely unequipped when it comes to hearing what God's trying to tell me..which is probably why i try to not think about it. I don't want to screw up and leave, when i need to stay. So I try to think about why I joined the leadership in Velocity in the first place, and it's because i really wanted to interact in the junior highers lives, to help them, and lead them in the right direction, a Godly one. And i think i'm doing that, but does God want me to continue under Wade's rule, when I can still be a part of their lives anyways? I've been trying to give it time, but things in Velocity aren't looking up. My options: stay, drop out of the leadership and just go as any other student there, or just leave velocity completely. I wish God would just send out a plane that would spell out the answer for me. I feel stuck inbetween to completely different worlds. Paul is more of a dad than my own father, and i see him being treated like dirt by Wade, but then Wade can seem like such a great guy sometimes. I'd hate to leave, there's some people there that I only see twice a week, at church. Like Jordan Thompson, Ashley Moore, Jen Dodd (we sometimes get together, but not often), Kevin Hackett, Kelby and Josh....There's so many more, so many i'd miss. I don't like losing relationships, but I don't want to carry on doing something that only brings me down. Talk to me, God..please? I'm just your clueless little girl.