Congratulations.

High school was really crummy, and tolling on me, mostly towards the end. I think it had to be in order to change me at all; it might not have been necessary for you. All of it was necessary. It’s easier to accept that now that I’ve distanced myself from it with a few months time. I feel dense. I hate having to publicly explain myself. This summer is weird, mostly because I work every day and I don’t have to think about having educational priorities in the fall; it makes me feel like an adult which is the weird part because I always feel childish. I love reading fairy tales. That’s who I am. It’s nice to think that seeing the world might be what’s aging me, but it’s not like people think. My dad has aged me a lot. I actually thought he was going to die a few months ago. It makes my boots so heavy to think that people I love a lot are broken and there’s nothing I can do to fix them..Even though I know no one should ever be able to fix anyone. That’s what makes us. Tape and staples. I’m changing, rapidly. I probably wouldn’t recognize myself if I saw my reflection from a week ago. Who knows who I’ll be next week. And next year? I think about Seattle constantly, but I am content right now. I’ll probably change my mind about that next week, or tomorrow. I smoke in my backyard when I’m feeling a lot, so that I know if I ever start dying from lung cancer, I’m also dying from having felt so much. I feel like a child tonight. It makes my boots lighter. Today I was talking to a guy on an airplane about how my friend is having a rough time with life. He asked, "Did you tell your friend congratulations?" to which I replied, "What?" He explained that I should congratulate someone who is going through something hard because they’ll be new and renewed when it’s over. I loved that.