Some nondescript autumn weekend.

I certainly don't want to sound like some beatnik tree hugger, but I've always had a weird intimate connection with the earth. I change alongside the moon's phases and I delight in wind. It just occurred to me today that not everyone is overwhelmed by how awesome thunderstorms are. I have yet to figure out why I hate sun and heat, but that will probably come later. It's really rare for me to feel a deep connection with God, but while I was on a retreat in the mountains a few years ago I sat in a forest of pines by myself and while I prayed the wind howled around me and it was surreal..it's one of the only times I've felt genuine about standing the same grounds as my God. I think He communicates with me through these things; it's the only way anything makes sense. I love mountains...I could never wrap my mind around a mountain. I've always had a thing for trees, and for as long as I can remember my brain only works in metaphorical ways. My moods are always a matter of rotting grass or stale soil. Whenever I drive home from Nikki's, there's a four-way stop where I can turn left or right to get to my house (I still don't know which way is faster). I've never told anyone this, but I always go based on the direction in which the moon is pointing..yeah, the moon points.

Everything around me has been growing chilly, and my my mind can't help but follow suit. I'm not one for the holidays, no matter how jolly and lovely everything is, so it's not uncommon for me to hibernate around this time. I barricade my igloo with a palisade of excuses for why I have to stay in, and then hate myself for it when I wonder why it's so difficult for me to maintain close relationships with people I adore. Lately nothing makes sense to me, and I can never validate right from wrong. I've been smashing my head into rocks over very basic rationale. I wish November would make up it's mind. Why hasn't it snowed on me yet?