My mom? She tells me i'm disrespectful because I don't get off the computer at the appropriate time, 9:30. Tells me that I look like a slut with black hair, no sarcasm in that. Tells me that when i get home at 11:00 or so that I shouldn't be eating (even if i wouldn't have lunch or dinner), but then when she randommely wakes up at midnight every night, she comes downstairs and stands in front of the fridge, stuffing her face. But of course, when I call her a hypocrite for it, she tells me that shes not the one with the weight problem...She must get it from her mom, becasue my Grandma tells me the same exact thing.(yeah, so much for grandmas always being the best part of the family) Sure, i argue with my mom, only because her rules and regulations are absurdely unjust. Who is she to call me lazy, when shes the one who complains that 5:00 is too late to get in the car and hitch me a ride to church. When she leaves on trips, She hugs and kisses my dogs, tells them how much she'll miss them, and how much she loves them. But then as she walks out the door, she gives my sister and I a mere, "take care of the dogs, don't get into trouble!" it's pathetic that I have to admit that i'm jealous of just of a few measly canines.. When's the last time I've actually felt loved by her?...it's too long to remember. She acts like it if she wants something, or if I give her a gift on her birthday or mothers day or something (only for the sake of trying to have respect for my mother), or if she thinks i'm depressed. And if she does think that, how does she show me love?...Tells me I can go tanning...thanks, mom. Tanning means the world to me.
My dad? I can't remember the last time I've been over to his house or talked to him on the phone that we haven't argued. He often expects me to drop any plans I have to immediately come over and help him with something...I am NOT his slave, and i refuse to be rude and drop out on other people to tend to his needs and wants. When I died my hair black, BECAUSE I LIKED IT, (might i remind you that this was before black hair was a new fad), my dad tried to convince me that the only reason I did it is because it was 'what was in', but when i knocked some sense into him, all he could say was that, "If you died your hair black to look more attractive, it's not working." and " I don't want to have to say yes when people ask if you're my daughter, change your hair!" He MADE me die it when we went to our family reunion... He tries to make me feel bad, by attempting to get me to admit that I hate that family becasue I never come over, and by telling me how much my little sister loves and misses me. w-t-f?! I think the only reason I do go over there is for her. Maybe to give her a teeny break from hell. I don't hate them, but really, who likes being in such bitter surroundings? I almost called the cops on him once. He was abusive, WAS. Once, I got in an arguement with him (this was probably about 2 or so years ago), and I was like, "And you wonder why I always want to be at Mom's house!!!", and I stormed downstairs and sat on the couch. He came after me, grabbed me by my hair, and dragged me to the door. while kicking me and dragging me up the stairs, I managed to get on my feet, but when we got to the top of the stairs, he ordered me to read the "10 Family Commandments," (one of the placards hanging on his wall) He screamed at me to repeat it louder, and to repeat the "Treat your Family with Respect" rule, several times. After several occurances like this one, I decided I couldn't take it anymore. I wrote him a note, because that's all I had the courage to do, and I threatened him, telling him how easy it would be to pick up the phone and have him arrested for child abuse, and how it was pathetic that I couldn't even come and talk to him face to face, it had to be through paper. I've never been able to have a serious talk with him any way other than a note. Still to this day, I'm scared of what my dads capable of when i tell him straight up in his face, and if I try to talk to him on the phone, I know he'll hang up on me.. He calls me a two-faced Christian, because i argue with him, and show him no respect. Oh but excuse me, Mr. I lead a wednesday night bible study, but I like to cuss out my daughters and their mom, and drink to a drunk extent on more than occasion, and treat my daughter like a worthless peice of junk.
I love my little sister more than anything. Shes so cool. I taught her how to count to 20 in spanish. On April 13, of 2005, she first got the hang of tying her shoes. Was I there to see her first knot? no. On May 4, 2005, she rode without training wheels for the first time. Was I a witness to this? no. on March 19, 2005, my sister first learned how to snap. I did happen to see this, and it was one of the happiest but at the same time saddest times of my life. It was the night before palm sunday, and we were at church (eastern hills, my dads church), and my little sister went up on stage to sing with her fellow 'classmates'. She had just learned to snap, so thats all she was doing. When they went on stage, and all the other little kiddies were singing, "ive got the joy of the Lord," she was dancing around, snapping her little fingers off. I hate that my reluctance to put up with my dad and stepmom reigns over my love for my sister. I can't even imagine what life might be like for her..She has to live with them 24/7, i only had to on weekends..Poor girl. I hate seeing my dad yell at her, when shes only 5, cause i totally feel for her. I'd really like to give him a good sock in the face whenever he yells at her, because I'd always wished someone would do that for me.
Do I deserve all this? prolly. I've got no one to blame. I choose to be just as disrespectful back. Even my aunt and grandma insist on telling me how much of a horrible excuse for a daughter I am.. I'm sorry. I wish i was better to my mom and dad... I wish it was easier done than said...and all of you who have reminded me of how disrespectful i am, as in friends, sorry i took it so offensively before. You were just telling me the truth, and I refused to listen. Its the flat out truth, I know i suck at this game called life.
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