I don't know.

I dream about death a lot. Even my friends have dreams about me dying. When I'm not dying in my dreams, someone else is, or they at least look dead...I can't always figure out what's going on. I have this recurring dream where someone kicks me in the face, and I wake up to find all of my teeth floating around in my blood-filled mouth. I'm not dead in this dream, but I think about how I'd rather be dead than not be able to talk and eat properly...Along with that terrible feeling you get when the tip of your tongue touches your bloody gums where a tooth is missing, and it makes you cringe. There's this other one that I feel like I've had ever since I was a little kid, where I'm surrounded by tons of people, and they're all screaming at me, in tongues. Sometimes I'm at the front of a theatre, and other times I'm in a baby's crib, while other times it's just black and white, and extremely contrasted. Every time I try to focus on one person or something someone is screaming at me, everything starts to shake and my vision becomes blurred, but I know the words people are screaming at me are not kind. This one doesn't just happen while I'm sleeping, though. I get it a lot during school. Something is wrong with me. I take at least four migraine pills a day, and I hate hanging out with the people that once made me the happiest. I find myself wanting to stay home by myself on Friday nights to smoke and read, instead of hanging out with the friends who try to specify my moods and make me laugh. I closely watch and study the same people every day, and I gradually become more and more disgusted with everyone I come in contact with. I don't talk a lot anymore, and I think that's started to take action on most of my relationships. It's not on purpose, though. Everything is starting to wither, and I hate that. I work my ass off in school to prepare for a future that I'm not even looking forward to living. I'm bitter and skeptic about everything. I hope whatever I'm going through is over soon. I wouldn't mind feeling like a live human again. I haven't been able to write in months, and now I'm back to rambling about how pathetic I am.